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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Stephen Harper's Unauthorized Biography

Hi. I'm Stephen Harper. There's a new Sheriff in town

The man who would be Prime Minister of Canada:

Now that it looks like Stephen Harper may became Canada's next chief executive officer let's have a closer look shall we.

According to his official biography, Harper has never accomplished anything that could be construed as being even remotely Prime Ministerial. Let me explain.

"He went on to work as a members assistant and policy advisor before being elected to Parliament in 1993."

What that really means is he was a clerk for Reform MP Deborah Grey and Preston Manning's water boy until he was elected an MP by the right-wing riding of Calgary.

The Power Chase

Like many of his peers he appears to have little real world experience. Paper lawyers I call them. Barely out of law school and before the ink has dried on their diplomas, they flaunt their credentials as a stepping stone into a political career without having seen the inside of a court room.

But according to Stephen it is apparently to his advantage not being a lawyer himself. Rather, he is an economics major who's primary purpose in life after graduating was to become a professional politician and snort at the public trough. Lucky us.

And he wants to be the leader our country! Is it any wonder our fair land is so screwed up.

Job Description: Prime Minister of Canada

No experience necessary. Just a lot of drive, ambition and gall.

So what else are you going to do with an economics degree? Get a real job as a bank clerk? Hell no, when you can walk away with a multi-million dollar pension at the taxpayers' expense.

His press would have us believe otherwise. That he is a man who would become king by accident or even grudgingly. But nobody just falls into that role by happenchance.

I'm still waiting to see that enormous intellect Harper keeps touting. Obviously he believes in the old adage - tell a lie long enough and it will eventually be accepted as truth.

For crying out loud if you really are that smart you shouldn't have to brag about it. In case he doesn't know it, humility goes a long way and speaks volumes about character.

So I'll put it into simple terms for ya bud. Bragging = arrogance (and belies a serious insecurity complex). And you're not even in power yet, so what can we expect if you do get it. I shudder at the thought.

Time Heals a Multitide of Sins

I will however give Harper credit where it is due. He has proven himself to be a skillful spin-doctor and successfully turned his weaknesses into an opportunity. And so far his propoganda and speech therapy lessons seem to have paid off well for him.

"In 2002, Stephen Harper returned to Parliament as Leader of the Opposition and began laying the foundation for the re-unification of Canada's then-divided conservative movement."

Hmmm. It's interesting how bio's can be sanitized over the passage of time. Does Joseph Goebbels ring a bell?

Unless his alzheimer's has gotten worse, Harper will recall (Calgary 1993) poo-pooing on my ideas to reunite the parties. Ironic that he is now being heralded as the saviour of conservatism. And neither did he gave me any credit.

The nerve of some politicians, calling themselves "honorable". That's why they say politics is a dirty game and I no longer play it. It's much more fun sitting on the sidelines exposing their dirty laundry.

Coup de' tat

At least Wikipedia is a little more forthcoming with the information (albeit still sanitized for our reading pleasure).

"When Stockwell Day bowed to pressure from within the Canadian Alliance and resigned from the leadership in the summer of 2001, Harper stood as a candidate in the subsequent leadership election."

Meaning: Harper was behind the coup that ousted Day because he was too religious for his liking.

So all you evangelicals out there who think that Harper is pro-Christian - think again. In fact all of us had better seriously contemplate this through because 4 years is a long time to regret.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. If the U.S. can have an actor or a good ole son of a gun named Bush for President, why then not a clerk for Prime Minister?

I gotta admit you got me there. But no matter how many custom made suits Harper buys, he still looks like a clerk to me.

Stay tuned. There's lots more to come.

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7 Comments: 'It's your turn now'...

At 5:08 PM, Anonymous tanya said...

Heh, funny and right on the mark bud. Too bad Layton is in the wrong party or I would vote for him.

 Edit Comment
At 9:05 PM, Anonymous sue said...

I love it! Got any jabs left for Paul Martin?

 Edit Comment
At 10:11 PM, Blogger JC said...

Oh yeah. I'm saving the best for Pauly.

 Edit Comment
At 5:01 AM, Anonymous sarah said...

I have to agree. Harper looks more like a junior bank clerk with a goofy smile than a PM. This is so sad. We need another party. All that we have to choose from is either tweedle-dee, tweedle-dumb or just plain stupid.

 Edit Comment
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous jack said...

Heh, I dirtied my pants reading this. Thanks.

 Edit Comment
At 8:13 PM, Anonymous joseline said...

This post is hilarious, and so true. Thank you.

 Edit Comment
At 11:11 PM, Anonymous delia said...

Wonderful blog. Keep up the good work.

 Edit Comment

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